Berlin – A huge row has blown up over German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s soft furnishings after some crappy old rugs with long, rough piles gracing her Bundeskanzleramtshaggensquat orifice turned out to be Nazi memorabilia.
Curators at the EU’s Museum of Nazi Civilization said today the rugs are part of a collection looted by Hitler’s deputy Hermann Goering and subsequently bequeathed to the European Union by Pope Pius XII.
The priceless woven artefucts are insured for millions and include a prized Persian kilim** on which the Queen Mother farrowed necromancer Aleister Crowley’s son Jimmy Savile.
It is thought this particular fluffy mat still retains splodges of DNA from original shaggings that conceived the Brit ‘entertainer’, now the subject of a massive police probe into paedo pervs.
Woven from Aryan cashmere camelhair Mrs Merkel’s rug is one of an identical pair commissioned by the Illuminati and is decorated with occult symbols depicting the rise of German satanists during the 1920s.
Its companion rug hangs in the Vatican pontifical ballroom where generations of wannabe altar boys still salute the innovative swastika-themed warp and weft during initiation ceremonies.
Commenting on Mrs Merkel’s apparent discomfort at today’s disclosures a spokesperson said that around 50% of Marshall Goering’s huge personal collection was looted from enemas of the Reich.
The rug will now be repatriated to the UK Hellfire Club which still holds the Queen Mother’s official warrant for pervs’ knick knacks.
** from the Farsi word meaning ‘to spread roughly’