Vatican First Lady demands Obama-style armored limo
The proposed interior of the new Papal limo, complete with on-tap Holy Water and bomb-proof chassis
Rome – The Pope’s lawfully-wedded Ecuadorean wife is in talks with Vatican Garages Inc to scrap the ‘downmarket’ official popemobile for a rhinestone-studded Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limo ‘just like the one Michelle Obama enjoys’.
According to Vatican tradition the current, eight year-old modified Mercedes-Benz M-Class SUV used by Pope Benedict should be broken up at a holy reliquaries scrapyard and completely destroyed.
The practice mirrors the church’s other scared rituals like the official destruction of the papal amethyst ring responsible for conveying supernatural powers throughout a Pontiff’s reign.
But due to severe austerity in the Eurozone a simple makeover is being proposed for the existing official Vatican state car following a standard exorcism [bed bugs!], annual performance check and a new coat of paint.
“They offered to scrap the ‘Papa-666′ licence plate for a personalized one,” Senora Bergoglio commented, “but I say the car is still hexed.”
Talks will continue throughout the weekend with observers noting the new Mrs Pope wields a lot more clout than the outgoing Vatican First Lady Mrs Ratzinger.
A spokesperson for General Motors, suppliers of the White House’s fleet of armored, bomb-proof executive limousines, said today a blingy new off-the-shelf Pope Carrier retails from around $ 500,000 ‘and runs on recycled emissions’ [don't ask!].
The Archbishop of C*nterbury is 102.