Local couple Dick and Kittie Cummings found themselves in a sticky situation early Saturday after a morning quickie went horribly wrong.

“I reckoned he’d be kind of horny after two weeks at sea, but I wasn’t expecting this”, said a visibly bloated Kittie. “He reached his climax and just couldn’t stop. After about fifteen minutes, I felt like I just couldn’t hold no more, so I got off of him and called 911.”

Ambulance crews flew the semi-conscious but still throbbing Dick to Memorial Hospital in St. John’s, where he is recovering from dehydration and exhaustion. Commented his doctor, Maxwell Silberhammer, “He’s lost about twenty pounds and thrown his electrolytes out of whack. I’m optimistic that he’ll make a full recovery after about a week of protein shakes and raw oysters.”

Added Kittie, “Hopefully, that will give me enough time to do the laundry and re-paint the bedroom ceiling.”


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