Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Sex is only considered pain in the ass, if you are doing it wrong.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. At our desks, we have a work station..
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Most of us do not want careers, we only want paychecks.
Computers can beat you in chess, but never in kickboxing.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose
It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
PS :
My opinions may have or would be at any point changed, but not the fact that I am right …
